Domestic Violence... Part Deux
Hopefully by now most of you have read my previous b!tch & maybe even had a little time to reflect on what I had to say. Obviously I don't necessarily need pitches as, I've already solved this problem for myself. My point in posting it is that it continues to be a problem for others & one that is so overlooked! Shelters are full & there is so little help for women in these situations. It's just not as easy as "you should leave him"... ya know?
I posted my article because recently someone that a few of us here know was murdered by a man who has had several domestic violence charges brought against him by different women. He's had slaps on the wrist, if anything at all, for each one. We need to find a way to make these men accountable BEFORE they murder someone! We need to find a way to give women who are currently living the nightmare that I've escaped A VOICE & the power to make their nightmare go away.
I guess I posted this just to get you all thinking about how we, as a society, can change this. So, my question to all of you now is... What would YOU do to make it easier for a woman like this where you live? Or, if you are already doing something about this issue... tell us what...
Pitches
I read how you did it. That was one way, put things in place and then "make your move." It is a tough situation all the way around. My "male" brain say's that perceptions must change. I am not passing judgement but, we all put ourselves into situations we should not be in.
How could the situation have been better for you as far as what society could have done to help you?
I think the only way to "fix" the problem is by closely examining the problem and understanding "why" certain decisions were made. Then the questions arise from more of a philosophical perspective such as: would decision (X) ie leaving immediately and having no food and shelter actually be better or worse than decision (y) staying and continuing to be abused until the "time & circumstances are better"
Thank God for you, some money came in and circumstances "got good enough for you to make the move." But, I fear the reality is that many women never get the "opportunity" to "get out'.
How do you feel society could have helped you?
Everyones circumstances are so different. There is no cure all.
pitched by : aronado
Society could help by insisting on tougher laws for abusers. I called the police on my ex-husband numerous times. They didn't help. I also called shelters to find a "safe place" to run to... they were always full & had "waiting lists". I think people are missing my point. The resources aren't always there. Everyone thinks that there are shelters & laws & you should call the police, but the reality is that shelters are full & the law really doesn't protect you. Only recently have domestic violence laws begun to "get tough", but they're still not tough enough.
Most women who call the police on their abusers are faced with the reality that he will not serve time for his crime because abusing someone you are in a relationship with is just not really considered to be a big crime in most parts of the world... including our oh-so-fabulous country! If the cops even bother to take him away at all, he will likely be back home within 24 hours & mad as hell.
Yeah, that 24 hours might give you time to get your shit & get out, but if you have no shelter to flee to (because it's full, or worse, your town doesn't even have one) & no family or friends (because your abuser has taken you from them), where do you go? I was lucky because I had my own income & resources, but most battered women have been cut off from family, friends, & financial freedom by their abusers. This is done in an effort to control them & make escape futile.
When I ask what society is doing to help, I say this in the same way that one might ask what society is doing to help in the fight against AIDS or Cancer. Do you know about your local shelters of advocacy organizations? Can you donate time, money, clothes, services, etc to help them in their efforts to help these women?
In my town organizations such as Safe Place & Texas Advocacy Project are doing all that they can, but they can only do so much & must rely on the support & assistance of the community in order to continue their efforts.
All I am saying is this... get involved. Find out what resources are available in your community & how you can help them to help others. Find out what the laws are in your area regarding domestic violence & what happens if a woman calls the cops. Do they arrest automatically or only if there are visible bruises (bruises usually don't form immediately, so this is an unreasonable requirement!). If you don't think the laws are adequate, what can you do to initiate change?
Right now in Austin a murderer may very likely go free because the laws were not adequate to protect the women he abused (despite police reports & protective orders) & he was allowed to continue his victimizations until he finally crossed the ulitimate line & killed a woman! What could society have done to have prevented this? Get involved... it's as simple as that.
pitched by : MandyStroyer
On a personal note, I feel you more than I want to explain here and I have served as a volunteer and board member for several organizations over the last 15 yrs. Yes, there is more to the problem than keeping "the abuser" locked up. The other side is the financial / well being aspect.
I don't really think it is as simple as just saying "get involved". To me it's like saying "VOTE!", just get out there and vote. Personally, I don't want people voting if they don't know what the hell is going on and who the candidates are.
Yes, we all need to do our part but, I think the people that have been through this should offer up some new & different approaches on how to implement "change."
I'll work with you on this and get some things done, I have some ideas.
But, your statement concerns me:
"but most battered women have been cut off from family, friends, & financial freedom by their abusers. This is done in an effort to control them & make escape futile"
I think we need to explore this. From a psychological perspective "why" would anyone let this happen. Why let him "take this control" from the beginning.
Mindsets must change. Through a more educational program, a meme, a sticky message and conversations that change thoughts, perceptions, and actions.
pitched by : aronado
because of this situation, we were all talking about volunteering for battered women's shelters or something along those lines.
Our friend was the strongest woman I know. If she could become a victim of domestic abuse then ANY woman could. We need to stand up and let them know they are not alone!
pitched by : BitchAss
Hello bitch!
I have several points, so I number them for clarity:
1. I haven’t read you previous bitch but apparently there is not need to do so for variety of reasons, the most obvious of which is that you “'ve already solved this problem”.
2. As to “need to find a way to give women who are currently living the nightmare ” I would suggest that we are living in a free society, and freedom implies responsibility: these women picked up their men themselves, exhibited preference for those particular individuals, and therefore now they have to pay the price for what they have done. Indeed, having made their choices freely and being responsible adults, shouldn’t they now bear their load stoically and keep their mouths shut? If, on the other hand, you can irrevocably prove that our society has forced those men on those women, then yes—we are collectively responsible and should collectively change their diapers.
3. Irrespective of whose responsibility it is or should be, I agree, we need more federal funding to create more advocacy groups which will provide more employment opportunities for people who are otherwise un-employable at all (good-for-nothing).
pitched by : yours_robin
Dear yours_robin,
I find you to be a very nasty, offensive, vile person.
” I would suggest that we are living in a free society, and freedom implies responsibility: these women picked up their men themselves, exhibited preference for those particular individuals, and therefore now they have to pay the price for what they have done."
1. Why yes! We did pick these men ourselves! We LOVE to be abused! Please tell me how to develop the psychic ability to look into a mans soul and see what truly lies beneath the surface.
2. Pay the price?
dear_robin, kindly *uck off. Bear your load stoically, keep your mouth shut, and go look for your venison.
pitched by : rebelene13
Ya know, I have kicked around several replies to "yours_robin" in my head for the past 2 days. They have ranged from articulate, thought provoking, well worded retorts to basically me just showing my ghetto-ass white trash colours. In the end though, I've come to realize that someone like this just isn't worth the time it would take so I'll just leave it at that.
Besides, the rest of us Betties know better anyway!
pitched by : MandyStroyer
bitched by MandyStroyer
8 Months, 4 Days, 5 Hours, 59 Minutes ago
- or -
right on bitch: 3
this bitch is crazy: 0
total votes: 3
beginning betties
