My former boyfriend married my former best friend and they won't go away!

Just when I thought high school was over and done with, my former best friend who married my former boyfriend found me on Facebook. She lives about 45 minutes away and she's all "let's get together!", and I'm thinking no, let's NOT.

He's not just a former boyfriend, he's the guy to whom I lost my virginity! How awkward is THAT? I mean, what are we supposed to chat about? "Hey, remember that time you said you loved me and I thought I loved you so we lost our virginity to each other?" Gee, nothing uncomfortable there or anything.

And then there's HER. I was dating him, she and I were friends. He and I broke up, they started dating, I was like whatever, we're talking 8th grade here. Then they broke up and he asked me to take him back and I did, that took us into high school and the aforementioned virginity-losing, then we broke up and he went back with HER, and then we graduated and they got married. I'm still not sure how she found me since my last name is now my married name plus I no longer use my high school nickname.

What's even worse is she's one of THOSE Facebook people, the ones who post cutesy blinky kitty cartoon shit on their profile pages, who send you virtual crap every five minutes. No, I DON'T want to take the 80s movie quiz or the "Who's sexier" quiz or whatever. I have no problem with people who like taking quizzes, I just don't have time for it and it fills up my email inbox constantly!

So that's my big bitch today. My former best friend who married my former boyfriend has found me on Facebook and I am TRAPPED. Thank the gods for this site so I can BITCH ABOUT IT.

Pitches