Sales can suck my left...

Sales can suck my left tit and here is why.

 

I started this job to get away from sales and anything sales like. Not because I have anything against it, or I think it's not good enough for someone like me. None of that shit.

I started this job to get away from sales because well, I hate it, I think it's mind numbing and I'm really bad at it. No excuses. I can't run a 6 minute mile. I can't cook. I can't lick my own elbow despite hours of trying. I can't sell things for a living, it's just not what I do.

 

During my INTERVIEW here, they asked why I was trying to switch jobs. I flat out told them "Because I want out of sales". I mean, short of getting a tattoo of those words across my ass (which at this point isn't entirely out of the question), I don't know how to make it any more clear.

 

So you can imagine the joy I felt when I was moved into Sales. Which- brace yourselves as this is going to be shocking- I hate, I find mind numbing and I'm really bad at.

 

I just got called into my bosses office and got chewed for sucking at something I've been up front with him about sucking at since day one of my employment. Somehow this is new and exciting.

The next person who tells me that they think I'd be good at sales, and I am the one holding me back is going to take a foot to the genital religion. Thank you, really. Your thinking I'm good at it has given me an epiphany, you're right, let me change my life goals for you, ya asshole.

Just because I might be good at something doesn't mean that I'm going to be or that I'm going to like it. Anyone who thinks otherwise is either related to Hitler or my high school guidance counselor.

 

In short: If I don't get out of sales soon, y'all are going to see me on the news. Look for headlines like "Psychotic woman takes hostages with pair of dull scissors" or "Disgruntled employee stabs coworker to death with stapler".

 

 

 

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