Direct Deposit is Going To Kill Me Someday

It's the 15th of the month, which for me is usually considered "payday". Now, most people consider this a good thing.

I do not, and here is why.

I have direct deposit.

Now, spare me how it saves me a trip to the bank, it's automatically in my account, blah blah blah.

What it doesn't save me is the emotional angst of waiting for it. My email is a black hole that sucks in only email that would be considered important, leaving me to filter through preapproved credit offers and ways to enlarge my penis. This is frustrating because my penis doesn't need enlarging, and I have no real way of knowing when I get paid from any of the places in which I work.

I get paid somewhere around the 15th. The exact date/time is anyones guess. So I get to play a game I call "obsessively refresh my bank account until theres a bigger number".

This is not fun for a few reasons. 

The first being, my automatic payments seem to beat my direct deposit every single time.

The second, and more legit reason is what I call "the direct deposit anyerusm". That's when I refresh so many times that when the deposit actually hits the account, for a brief, panicked second, I think that instead of a deposit of 4 gazillion dollars, it's an overdraft of 4 gazillion dollars, and consequently I almost wet myself. 

And it happens every single time. Someday they are going to find me alone in my office, clutching my chest, dead from a heart attack infront of the Chase website.

Mark my words.  

Pitches